HomeBook Review: The Virgin Homeowner
by Janice Papolos
Norton, New York, $25.00, 444 pages
Reviewed by Stephanie A. Chisholm
F ew experiences in life can be as confusing as buying one's first home.The Virgin Homeowner - The Essential Guide To Owning, Maintaining andSurviving Your First Home, is the first person hilarious account ofthe author's transition from a Manhattan apartment dweller to a Westport,Connecticut homeowner. Her migration to the suburbs is colorfully recalledin a format which brings what could have been a frightening experience tolife.
Ms. Papolos' book is the ideal gift for anyone who is in the processof buying their first home. She is as gifted a speaker as she is a writer,so do go see her on the book tour circuit if you get the chance. The authorprovides reassurance through her humorous recollections and anecdotes ofvaluable lessons painfully learned on the domestic frontier.
Starting with the first chapter, appropriately named "Ground Zero",for the home inspection, she skilfully covers the ins and outs of such subjectsas "The Inner Mysteries" (plumbing, heating, electricity), "TheUninvited Guests", (from annoying and destructive insects to diseasedrodents to burglars) and "The Age of Innocence" (childproofingguidelines and tips). Each chapter features technical illustrations thateasily explain abstract concepts or unseen systems like the septic tank.Even topcs that are seldom thought of until an emergency situationarisessuch as fire safety, ventilation, radon, lead, carbon monoxide and otherpotential threats to a homeowner's health and safety are throughly covered.
Establishing long-term relationships with household service providersis advised, and since winter is just around the corner, we'll cite as anexample the chapter on heating. The author advises the inexperienced homeonwerto consider several things before choosing a fuel company. One would thinkthat the price of the oil would be a major criteria, but Papolos also exploresthe quality issue fron an environmental standpoint, discussing processingprocedurers that benefit the environment as well as your own burner. Otherpoints to consider include the service contract including hourly rates andtechnical staff availability. An added premium would be a small price topay for a service man at your door when the heat goes off in the middleof a cold winter's night. I could relate to the check list of things tocheck outwhen the heat goes off before calling the oil company. When I readthat a guest or family member sometimes accidentally turns off the masterswitch at the top of the stairs, thinking that it may be a light switch,I laughed. Recently, we hypothesized that our ten month old must have grabbedthe switch while being carried downstairs. Unfortunately for the oil company,this oversight was discovered after we had already called for service! Anothercommon problem cited in the book is that sometimes the boiler shuts downimmediately after an oil delivery, due to sediment being stirred up andclogging the filter, which shuts the machine down. Knowing these littletips about how to keep all systems in working order can eliminate needlessworry for the first-time buyer as well as keep potential disasters at bay.
As a mother, the author adds her special brand of humor when she givesher take on another not so fun fall activity; removal of local field micewho seek shelter in your warm basement and attics once the cold weathersets in. She nicknames the mice, "little Mickeys and Minnies"who can "turn your house into a virtual maternity ward" withinweeks with a twenty day gestation period! Concerning an enounter with anexpired rodent, Papolos advises, "Get a hold of yourself! Put on rubbergloves and get a shovel..."
On a final note, financial matters are covered and Papolos recommendsa reserve fund for annual repairs and maintenence, or a "nest egg foryour nest egg." She quotes her mother as saying, "Once you owna house, you'll never have to wonder where your next nickel is going."Her wise daughter recommends an annual budget of between 1 and 2 percentof the value of the home (ouch!) for major repairs such as a new roof, drivewayrepaving,exterior paint job or tree removal. A savings account marked "housereserve" should be established with regular deposits made on a monthlybasis when the mortgage is paid. Your bank can set up automatic transfersinto the house account and before you know it, you'll have the beginningof a cash reserve for unforseen expenses.
About The Author of The Virgin Homeowner:
Janice Papolos is also the author of The Performing Artist's Handbookand, with her husband Demitri Papolos, M D., Overcoming Depression, bothrecognized as definitive books in their fields. She lives in her family'sfirst home in Westport, Connecticut.